Happy Thursday all!
On Tuesday my job had a vision board class as apart of it’s wellness program. My primary reason for going was to get points for an extra personal day (hey, I love my days off!) so I had no real expectations. I was pleasantly surprised that I found the class so soothing and relaxing. It also got me thinking about my goals for the next 5 years. I have to admit, the thought of getting older used to scare me a little because I never thought I’d be single in my late forties. If you had asked me fifteen years ago where I would be at 47, I would’ve said married ten plus years with two kids. As we all know life doesn’t always goes as planned. I never factored in having a hysterectomy at 39 which ended my ability to give birth. I struggled for years after my hysterectomy thinking I was less of a woman because I couldn’t physically have children. I was so angry because I knew I would’ve made an awesome mom. I felt hopeless because my romantic life has been extremely disappointing. With the kind of men I was meeting the prospect of getting married by my “due date” was fading fast (I used to have 40 as my “due date” to get married and have children). When I turned 45 I found myself feeling like a massive failure because I wasn’t a wife and a mother. I had bought into the belief that I wasn’t complete unless I was married. I had forgotten about the massive blessings my single life had brought me. Fortunately the Lord gave me dose of reality to see my life is right where it is supposed to be. While I want love in my life, I no longer romanticize marriage. My married friends and family have taught me that marriage is not some fairy tale. They’ve shown me that marriage takes hard work from two committed people to keep it healthy and strong. I used to focus on the process of getting married instead of being married. Now I have so much respect for being married…not getting married. Due to my newfound respect, I no longer feel like a failure in that department. I know in my heart if I had gotten married 10-15 years ago it wouldn’t have worked out because I wasn’t in the right head space. I still have my struggles but I know I feel 1000% better about myself now than I did all those years ago. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married but if someone amazing comes along and is worthy of my love, check your mailbox for an invite. If not, life will blissfully carry on!
Have a wonderful day!
Sweater: Who What Wear x Target (here)
Pants: Loft Plus (here)
Shoes: Zara (here)
Please, please, please, enjoy the life you have! Marriage and children is no fairy tale, for sure. Unless you are a very strong and independent woman (and not many men REALLY appreciate one) you are going to spend your time accommodating the needs of your family. Once you have children, your life will never be the same again. His life will go on pretty much as it always has.
Do I regret getting married? Sometimes. Do I regret having my son? No. But if it had never had the experience, I don’t think I would feel bereft.
I’m 72 years old. We were taught that being a wife and mother was a goal (THE GOAL) to which we should aspire. There are so many other good things that women can choose to feel happy and fulfilled.
You are a lovely woman. I do hope you find a loving relationship that is worthy of your goodness.
Blessings!
Author
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I appreciate you sharing your wisdom.
I remember when I first became single and freaking out, you commented about how you haven’t hit those socially constructed milestones and you’re happy. You’re still one of my role models because it took a lot of work to let go of those “happily ever after” ideas we’ve been brainwashed with. You continue to inspire me and I hope I’m just as bad-ass in a few years!
Author
Thank you SO much for comment! It’s so hard to overcome those societal notions and create a life that you want. You already know I think you totally ROCK!
First of all, you make 47 look absolutely fabulous!! Second, I feel you 1000%. I just had a mini-breakdown yesterday because my doctor was like, “Um, if you’re gonna freeze any eggs, THIS is the year to do it.” I had a little pity party, but then I reminded myself that there is more than one path to parenthood. And, like you, I’d rather be free and single than dealing with the knuckleheads out here who think that their gender alone makes them a “man.”
I can’t believe you’re 47! You always look much younger to me, but especially in these photos, I would guess you were 25!
As women, our choices are always questioned. I’m getting married next year, and I’ve already been asked (since before we were engaged) if we’re having kids. We don’t plan to, and that seems to REALLY offend a lot of people. In the end, we have to do what makes us happy and forget about set timelines and the expectations of others.
Also knowing many unhappy marriages, I firmly believe it is MUCH better to be single than to be with the wrong person. You seem to really have it together, and I admire the strength it takes to know your worth and not settle just to fulfill the expectations of society and to not “feel alone.” I’ve been in a bad relationship or two, and it feels much lonelier to be with the wrong person than it does to be single.
Author
Thank you for sharing! I completely agree that it’s better to be alone than be a bad or unfulfilling relationship. Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! I wish you all the best!